In TV on 05/04/2012 at 14:58

As always, here are the quotes from last night. My “Parks and Recreation” review is up on, PLEASE GIVE IT FIVE STARS. Check out this article I wrote for

“If you’re watching this I’m dead. Or I’m just showing it to you. But I’m probably dead.” –Starburns

“To my ex-wife I leave herpes, but she knows that, it’s dealt with.” –Starburns

“How one armed was he?” –Troy

“Those are Starburns ashes. He wanted me to burn them. I don’t think he knows how ashes work.” –Abed

“This is a community college, not an inner city high school.” –Dean

“We aren’t even the best community college in our community.” –Annie

“Edison out.” –Annie

“Let’s maybe not drop the fifty dollar mic, ok guys?” –Dean

“All hail Chang!” –The Changlorious Bastards

“Look, tiny riot gear, aww.” –Annie

“I regret allowing this child army to get so out of hand.” –Dean

“You are hereby expelled from Greendale Community College. May God have mercy on your souls.”

“I was going to be the first person in my family to graduate from community college. Everyone else graduated from regularcollege.” –Troy


“Not to be racist but white guys are usually very punctual.” –Tracy

“I have a girlfriend, her name is Raven Simone Senior.” –Angie

“Boob monster!” –Liz

“I thought it was very brave of you to pose for Playboy against Playboy’s wishes.” –Liz

“To me, Liz Lemon is a sex maniac.” –Tracy

“Thank you for looking up on wikipedia that I was conceived on a toilet.” –Jenna

“Oh my god, Ned Stark is dead?” –Grizz

“That’s right, I read World War II history motherfuckers.” –Angie

“These flower arrangements…you people are savages!” –Diana

“Liz is shady.” –Virginia

“We should do a movie together where we’re on a road trip, just being sluts.” –Jenna

Turf War
“Way to mock us for perfecting our bodies.” –Gabe

“Jim tell him where to stick his grapes…no Jim in his butt, his butt.” –Dwight

“Hit the nos.” –Dwight

“Did someone say girl talk?” –Gabe

“I think you’re going to need an Asian fetish, yeah. It’s going to be pretty upsetting if you don’t.” –Gabe

“Can I pull off a gold Arabian sandal?” –Nellie

“I’m the fucking lizard king.” –Robert California


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